Rumble in the Park

6 a.m., Midtown. The sun rises twice over the City; once over the boroughs across the river, and again over the skyline. The morning bustle begins today just as it does everyday. People rise from their slumber, the morning paper sounds a “ka-thunk” on doorsteps, and the low roar of the traffic gently wafts upward from the asphalt. The morning’s joggers and walkers filter into the Park. Underfoot is the reassuring “pitter-patter” of rubber on pavement. Out of their mouths are the steady, rhythmic pulsations of breaths. All around, the Park comes to life as the sun kisses the treetops.

An old man sat on a park bench. He carried with him a bag of stale bread. Every day for the last 53 years, this man has sat on the same bench with a bag of stale bread. Every day he breaks off small morsels of bread and tosses them to the Pigeons and Squirrels. The old man hasn’t shown up for three days. Where could he be? But more importantly, who would bring the stale bread?

For three days, the Pigeons and Squirrels have congregated in front of the park bench every morning, waiting for the old man who never comes anymore. But today, a middle-aged businessman sits down on the bench. He has a newspaper and a bag of peanuts. He opens the newspaper and begins to work the crossword puzzle, cracking and eating peanuts all the while. The Pigeons and Squirrels inch closer, hoping the businessman will notice them. The man checks his watch, folds his newspaper, and leaves with the bag of peanuts. The Pigeons and Squirrels try to follow him, but he disappears into the underground train station.

6 a.m., Midtown. This day begins just as it did yesterday. The businessman returns to the park bench with a bag of peanuts and a newspaper, and just like yesterday, he works the crossword puzzle while cracking and eating peanuts. But today, the persistence of the Pigeons and Squirrels finally pay off. He tosses a few peanuts into the center of the crowd. Chaos ensues. “Food!” they seem to cry. Both the Pigeons and the Squirrels make a mad dash for the peanuts, but much to the dismay of the Pigeons, none of their beaks can penetrate the shell to retrieve the sweet innards of the precious nut. Seeing this, two Squirrels swoop in, grabbing the peanuts and running into the nearby shrubs. Several other Squirrels follow. Dejected, the Pigeons move away from the bench, seeking a morsel they can partake in.

The same story plays out for several days. The Pigeons rapidly build up a hate for the Squirrels. “Those dirty mammals!” they seem to say. “Don’t they know how to share? We have cohabitated this Park together, peacefully, for generations upon generations, and this is how they treat us?”

In the morning, the businessman doesn’t come, but the Squirrels gather in front of the bench anyway. Seeing this, the Pigeons gather their ranks and approach the Squirrels. The leader of the Pigeons, Alpha Pigeon, steps forward toward the Squirrels. The squirrel leader, Alpha Squirrel, steps forward to meet him in the center with their respective gangs looking on from behind.

“So,” Alpha Pigeon seems to taunt, “looks like your little buddy-buddy didn’t show today with his...” Alpha Pigeon leans in and squints at Alpha Squirrel. “…peanuts.”

“What’s it to you?” Alpha Squirrel seems to retort, advancing on Alpha Pigeon. The other Pigeons meet Alpha Squirrel’s advance with a step forward, but Alpha Pigeon raises his wing, calling off their advance. The two size each other up, debating within themselves whether their own gang could take the other. Realizing the stalemate, Alpha Pigeon steps back. “Come on guys, let’s leave these jokers to their….” Alpha Pigeon again leans toward Alpha Squirrel. “…peanuts.” The Pigeons waddle off together to another park bench down the path, making obscene gestures at the Squirrels and muttering insults under their breaths.

Later that day, a mother and her young son arrive at the Park with a small loaf of bread. They sit down on a park bench near the Pigeons. The Pigeons, seeing the bread, gather around the mother and son. She hands a small chunk of bread to the boy, and he tosses it into the crowd of Pigeons. The boy finds great delight in watching the birds run after the bread, nudging each other out of the way to get it.

From down the path, Alpha Squirrel observes the goings-on. “Look at that! They got food over there, while we starve over here! Come on guys; let’s go get us some food!”

Hearing the scampering of claws and the squeaking of the approaching gang, Alpha Pigeon drops his bread and rallies the troops. “Well, look-ee here!” The two gangs meet head to head in the middle of the path. Fearing what might happen between the two rivals, the mother scoops up her son and scurries off, leaving the bread.

“Back off, Tree Rat! This is our turf! You got your peanuts over there; we got our bread over here! Go back to your side of the park, and no one gets hurt.”

“Yeah, Bird Brain, well, we decided we’re gonna take your bread, and you’re gonna like it!”

“You’ll have to get through us first!” The Pigeons tighten their ranks, defending the loaf of bread resting peacefully on the park bench. The Squirrels respond by tightening their ranks as well, preparing for a battle.

Alpha Squirrel drops down, ready to pounce. “Get ‘em, boys!”

He leaps on top of Alpha Pigeon and they begin a fierce hand-to-hand battle. The rest of the squirrels rush their Pigeon counterparts. Feathers and fur fly, and the furious cooing and squeaking can be heard from the other side of the Park.

Suddenly, the Groundskeeper rushes in with a rake. “Alright, boys! Break it up! Break it up!” He scatters the crowd by banging the rake on the pavement. “Look, there’s plenty of food for everyone! What’s gotten into you guys? You used to be best buds! And look at you now, fighting over a crummy loaf of bread! I don’t want to catch you fighting in this Park again! If you got problems with each other, you take it outside. Don’t you be causing a disturbance in my park!”

Alpha Squirrel and Alpha Pigeon brush the dust off themselves while their respective gangs sort themselves out. Alpha Squirrel leers at Alpha Pigeon, “This ain’t over, buddy….” And with that, the Squirrels scamper away to the other side of the Park.